Teenage Boredom

Written by Dr Sidney Langston   

As a parent, have you ever heard your teenagers complain of boredom? Up until their teen years they may have seemed full of life and direction. But  now as you witness their lack of interest in life, you ask yourself if something really is wrong and, if so, what must be done about it.

Everyone is bored from time to time. Most adults have learned that life is not one long array of exciting and interesting alternatives served up moment by moment. Teens, on the other hand, do not know that occasional boredom is a natural and inescapable part of life. Teens, by nature, are impatient; they want all life has to offer, and they want it now. Unfortunately, the reality of life does not keep pace with their expectations and aspirations. The resulting absence of challenge, stimulation and opportunity to grow leads to the phenomenon we know as boredom.    

During their preteen years children look to adults to entertain them. But as teenagers, they do not want adult help. At the same time, they blame the adults for not providing enough stimulating choices. For teens a few moments of boredom seems like an eternity. As a result they are likely to become grouchy, irritable, listless and isolated.

The media blitz aimed at teens raises their expectations of excitement and fulfillment beyond what is possible. This intensifies their feelings of boredom even more.

As teens work on defining who they are and choosing their future direction, they  tend to become confused and indecisive. These emotions lead to withdrawal from activities and the resulting isolation also leads to boredom.

When parents are over-controlling and allow little autonomy, teens may become angry and complain continuously about boredom, because many perceive it as the only legitimate way to express their anger. They may also act out through passive-aggressive behavior such as endless procrastination toward schoolwork and chores at home. If kids complain that school is boring, it may be related to poor performance or to the fact that they are under-challenged and under-stimulated in the classroom.   

Some teenagers will be able to find interesting and worthwhile activities to relieve their boredom. Others may turn to destructive outlets such as drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex or vandalism.

Some practical steps that will help carry you and your teens over the rough spots are:

• Don’t patronize them by saying, “When I was your age, I was never bored.”  Instead, try a little humility, and share with your teens your own struggles with boredom. Emotionally, this will encourage them to be open with you.

• Don’t attempt to push activities off on them. Instead, spend time with your teens exploring their interests and aspirations. Listening is a wonderful bridge-builder in relationships.

• Look for opportunities to talk with your teens about how TV and other media actually foster boredom by inflating their expectations. This will assist your teens to take a more critical look at the barrage of media messages and help them to become more aware, discerning and selective adults.

• Don’t become defensive and retaliate when your teens blame their boredom on you. Let them know you are available and willing to discuss any complaint they have with you. Also let them know you are willing to help them when indicated, to spend time with them, and to offer guidance as needed. Be sure they understand that there is a limit to what you can do, and that you also expect them to make an effort to help themselves.

• Don’t cater to their every whim in an effort to reverse their boredom. Doing so reinforces their already unrealistic set of expectations. Part of growing up is learning to face problems and uncomfortable feelings, drawing upon one’s own resources to alleviate the situation.

• Do not be overly concerned about boredom because it is usually temporary. By all means, do attempt to find out the underlying causes and do whatever seems appropriate to deal with them.

• If boredom is protracted and your teen withdraws from most activities and relationships, professional intervention may be indicated. If there is any indication the teen may be suicidal, immediately seek professional intervention.

Keep in mind that as teens move from childhood to adulthood, they will put away childish things. They require time for new interests, attitudes and values to develop. This will lead them in directions that are more adult and satisfying.

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Bauman, Lawrence and Riche, Robert. (1986). Troublesome teenage problems. New York: Ballantine Books.
Santrock, John W. (1993). Adolescents: An introduction (5th ed.). Madison, Wisconsin: Brown & Benchmark Publishers.
 

Copyright 1994, El Rophe Center, Inc.