Positive & Successful Relationships

Written by Dr. Sidney Langston & Rev. Tom Brock   

Background: Israelites, Naomi and Elimelech, moved their family to the neighboring country of Moab. Their two sons Mahloh and Chilion married the Moabite women, Orpah and Ruth. During the ten years they lived in Moab the father and both sons died, leaving Naomi and her widowed daughters-in-law alone. Naomi decided to return to Israel, but she knew that as foreigners and widows in Israel, Ruth and Orpah might well live in shame and poverty. Because Naomi cared more about Orpah and Ruth's happiness than about what they could do for her, she encouraged them to go back to their own families and their gods. Orpah consented, but Ruth insisted on staying with Naomi. The following principles, which can apply to any relationship, are drawn from the interactions of these three women (Ruth 1:1-18).

1.    A positive and successful relationship looks for the good of the other person. It looks for what is good for them, not what is good for them as it affects me. Ruth 1:8 & 9.

May the Lord deal kindly with you.
May the Lord grant you rest.
May you find a husband.

2.    A positive and successful relationship does not attempt to change the other person or make that person fit into a particular mold. This is called unconditional acceptance. Trying to change someone may be saying that the other person is inferior. If there is need for change, ask God to bring about the change. Naomi didn't chide Orpah for going back to her gods (Ruth 1:15).

3.    A positive and successful relationship will have no jealousy.  This means there is mutual regard for one another. There is freedom for each individual to make their own decisions.  Orpah's decision to stay in her own land brought separation. The women wept together and then let each other go. They were not angry or jealous. It is important for men to realize that this is a valid aspect of male, as well as female, relationships. David and Jonathan are a good example (I Samuel 20:41).

When there is freedom to make decisions there is also freedom to reap the consequences of those decisions. Orpah went back to her gods and was never heard from in Scripture again. Ruth left her gods and, by staying with Naomi, chose Jehovah God. As a result she was blessed. Scripture points out that she is in the ancestral line of Christ. Choosing God always reaps benefits even when the benefits are not apparent at the time.

4.    In a positive and successful relationship one does not cling to the other with a death grip or force the other to remain. There is freedom from control.

There is interdependence rather than codependence. One can survive without the other. In codependence one or both individuals feel their value depends on the relationship and thus they cannot survive without it. In a codependent relationship there is bondage and, therefore, ambivalence. On the one hand you want the relationship, but at the same time you hate it.

Orpah and Ruth's individuality, personality and well-being were far more important to Naomi then their remaining with her. Orpah and Ruth were more important than: who they were to her, what they could do for her or even what she expected of them (Ruth 1: 11 - 13). There were no unrealistic expectations. There was the realization that each could live without the other and that each had life outside the relationship.

5.    In a positive and successful relationship there is prayer for one another (Ruth 1: 8 & 9). Naomi prayed that God would deal kindly with Orpah and Ruth. Do you pray in that way for others with whom you have relationships? It is best to pray Scripture suited to their need, to pray specifically and to pray together.

6.    When a relationship is based on these five principles you will not drive the other person away or destroy the relationship. It will grow and become even sweeter. Why was Ruth determined to go with Naomi (Ruth 1:18)? Because theirs was a relationship in which:

A.    Each looked out for the other's good.
B.    There was unconditional acceptance.
C.    Each had mutual regard for the other.
D.    There was freedom to make decisions and take the consequences.
E.    There was mutual care and concern.
F.    There was freedom from control.
G.    There was interdependence.
H.    There were no unrealistic expectations.

Who wouldn't want a relationship like that!

____________
The Holy Bible, New American Standard Version. (1960). Nashville: Holman Bible Publishers.

Langston, Sidney W. & Brock, Tom (speakers). (1993). “In-Law Relationships”. Journey to Wholeness audio recordings # 075-1 & 075-2.

Copyright 1993, El Rophe Center, Inc.