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I am the God who healeth thee

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Emotional Neediness continued

  • Familiarity: many people do not know any other way of relating. They are afraid to give up the “known” for the

    “unknown,” which in reality is healthier and more satisfying.


The tendency to draw our life and security from another human being is a problem we all face at some point in our lives. It is only after we encounter repeated frustrations and sorrow by being emotionally dependent and needy that we hunger for something more satisfying.


Recovery from this malady lies in breaking lifelong patterns of behavior.

First, we must admit to ourselves that we are emotionally dependent and overly needy. If we are to heal we have to be rigidly honest with ourselves regarding the nature of the problem. Next we must also be uncompromisingly honest with at least one other person. We can do this by seeking out individuals that can be genuinely trusted and let them know that we are struggling with emotional dependency and neediness. We can ask them to make us aware when they see these behaviors manifested in our lives.


As we become more aware of the specific ways we have manipulated circumstances and used others to get our needs met, we can then do something constructive to change. We need to work diligently to resolve the deeper core issues that have led to the emotional dependency and neediness in the first place. It is necessary to:

    •    face our pain,

    •    grieve our losses,

    •    get to know ourselves really well, and

    •    purpose that we will never expect or demand another to do for us what we can legitimately do for ourselves.


This will strengthen us personally and encourage us to keep on stepping out in an effort to care for ourselves in ways we never imagined possible.


The goal of healing is that of becoming interdependent and independent in relationships rather than being emotionally dependent and needy. The latter is a relationship of bondage and the former is a relationship of freedom and mutual satisfaction.


Copyright 1994, El Rophe Center, Inc.

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